I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
