I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
