When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
