ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
