just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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