Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
