I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
