Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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