my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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