I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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