this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
