Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
