Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She announced her abortion via fbk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we're making bets on your personal life
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
