Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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