sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
