: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
