I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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