wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
