YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
