He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
