Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
