Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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