one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize