i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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