It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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