May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
