Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
