got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
