I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
