my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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