just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I wear drunk well.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
