is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
