I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
