The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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