my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
