Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
