i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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