She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
