I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
