we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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