It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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