No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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