You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
