so explain again why im purple
no
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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