if i can run in heels then i can drive
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
