Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
