doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
