I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
