Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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