If that was your dad, he is hot
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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