the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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