one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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