I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
