I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
