She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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