Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
