I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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