you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
