ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
