I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
