you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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