Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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